Eyes Shut Tightly
by Emo-Shukun
Summary: Toushirou wanted suicide, but Ichigo convinces him to do otherwise. Vulnerable due to his thoughts of death, Toushirou is under Ichigo's care... just in time to go camping in the winter. What will happen next? Will Toushirou open his eyes to what he has?


**Chapter 01**

**Eyes Shut Tightly**

**Now—**

Toushirou had discarded the haori once again for the last time and fled into the depths of Rukongai to hide from Seireitei and his duties. His reiatsu barely flickered as he stood in the thick snow that went to his waist with it still snowing above his head as he ignored it. He was barely dressed, but that was fine with him because he wanted to die within his element after what he had done to his sister-like friend. The former captain had stabbed her under Aizen Sousuke's illusion, and had sworn never to hit her again. It would only take a hand movement to use Hyourinmaru against himself to end all of his pain and suffering.

"Do you want to do that?" A voice called from five feet away.  
>He did not look at him, "leave me alone Kurosaki. Get out of here."<br>"Why? What do you think you'll accomplish?" Ichigo asked him quietly.  
>"You wouldn't understand even if I bothered to waste my breath telling you."<p>

As the small little one raised the Zanpakutou, the carrot top called. "What about that girl who's recovering from that attack?" He saw how the other froze stiffly. "She's important to you, otherwise you wouldn't have been blinded by anger when you went after Aizen." Turquoise turned to reveal the pain of hearing him give this lecture. The eyes then trailed to the white haori in hand. "Come on Toushirou, talk to me a little."

If he told him, maybe he would leave. "I mentally promised to never hurt her again, and as you know, I've broken that promise." He looked away. "How can I face her after knowing that she almost died by my—"  
>"It was an accident, everyone understands that, except you. I've promised to protect my friends, and then managed to hurt them as well." Ichigo sounded just as hurt now. "We can only learn from our mistakes."<br>"Oh shut up Kurosaki, you're just a Substitute Shinigami, what the Hell would you know." His arm extended over his head to summon the dragon. "It will be easier for Hinamori once I'm no longer here."

"For someone who complains about not being a child, you're acting just like one. Stop crying about the differences between us, stop crying about those closest to you were hurt, and stop crying about the fact that you stabbed the girl." The man glared; angry at his whining. "Can't you stop for one minute and think about her instead? How do you think she's going to react when I tell her that you killed yourself because of her? What if she's stupid enough to think that she then has to kill herself for you? Do you want that?"

"You wouldn't dare—" no, Ichigo _would_; he did not lie about anything. "I'm tired of hurting others."

"I am too…" he earned his attention once again. "We're still friends, right? I mean, I might have punched you in the face once, but I haven't seriously wounded you." Ichigo smirked. "And you can't hurt me."  
>"What are you trying to get at?" His hand lowered with Zanpakutou at his side, fully facing the man.<br>Ichigo offered the haori to him. "Come with me to Karakura Town—take a break from this Hell and stay with me for a while. You're under too much stress here that you can't realize that you're suffocating."  
>The offer did not make him happy in the slightest. "What makes you think that I would go with you?"<br>"Like I said, there's no way that you can hurt me, so you don't have to worry." Ichigo came over to drape the haori around him. "Don't be selfish and sacrifice yourself when there are others that still need you."  
>"First, I'm sure that Yamamoto-soutaichou could hurt you." Tired and frustrated, he slowly slipped his hands into the haori. "Second, no one needs me with you around, Kurosaki. That should be obvious."<p>

"I need someone, don't I? Why can't I need you?"

Toushirou sighed heavily before trying to take a step, but having stayed in one place for so long allowed the snow to build up around him. Trying to make everything seem all right, he redid his tie that held the Zanpakutou so that it would be against the haori rather than against his robes. Evidently, Ichigo knew that he was buying time to figure out how to get out of the near chest-high snow without needing any help.

The carrot top came to him since it was not even waist high for him, "let me help you." He bent over slightly to pick him up, but the other shrugged him away unhappily, causing him to notice something. "You're really thin Toushirou, what the Hell have you been trying to do to yourself?" Receiving silence as a reply, he could only shift the snow away from in front of the renewed captain, and walk away. This caused a path for the other to walk without being helped, but then tripped due to fatigue, and collided against him. "Are you okay?" Small hands held onto him tightly still, shivering. "You're freezing," he brought his hands up to disrobe himself, turned around, and placed them on him to keep him warm.

Turquoise hues turned to look at the bare chest man. "What are you doing! You'll get sick that way!"

"Yeah, well, better me than you." Ichigo picked him up in his arms, holding him almost as if the little captain were a newly wedded wife. This made the held male try to get away frantically. "Stop it," demanding this in a warning tone caused Toushirou to settle down. "My body isn't affected by this weather as it used to." His Hollow side allowed him to be immune to many things such as this. "You should rest, so sleep for now, and I'll be right next to you when you wake up." He smiled. "I promise."

"Don't…" his eyes began to droop when the warmth of the robes and the man's chest shared. "Make…" haven't walked for three days straight to get to where he was, made him exhausted. "Promises…"

"I don't break my promises."

* * *

><p>"I'm not going to be partying out, got it?" The voice stirred the icy captain awake. "Something's come up." Toushirou smelt the familiar scent of Ichigo's room as he listened to him. "Well, I'm sorry, but your trip isn't as important as this—no, it's none of your business—" he watched dazedly as the Ichigo pulled the phone from his hearing. Toushirou could hear 'you're ditching us for a girl' from an annoying voice. "No, I'm not. You know me better than that, Keigo. With that fiasco over with, I've been there for you, right?" He sat up quietly on the teen's bed, still watching him talk. "Someone else needs me right now, okay?" The teen sat on the chair while talking. "Hey... I know I scared you guys, but that's over now, really."<p>

As soon as Toushirou opened his mouth, there was a knock on the door, and so he quickly lied back down to avoid trouble. Once saying goodbye on the phone, Ichigo's father came into the room to ask about the captain lying down on the bed. There was no need to try hiding anything, allowing him to explain that said captain needed space from Soul Society, and he arranged everything. The tone he had was still cool and collected that it seemed almost distant; it was a little sad to hear him sound like this recently.

"Ichigo, I know your training was hard, but it's best if you talk about it with someone." Isshin spoke quietly, trying to get through to his son. "Your training was harder than anything that I had to go through to—"  
>"There's nothing to worry about." He answered quietly. "The battle is over, everyone is alive and safe, and I can go back to living my life as… whatever I am." His lips curved into a smile. "I am content where I am."<br>A long silence filled the air as the older man dropped the subject. "You need a hair cut… or some gel—no, your hair would poke someone's eye out or something." He tried to think. "Oh, oh, I know! You can—"  
>"I know he's awake, but do you have to be so loud?" Ichigo stood up slowly. "Besides, I don't mind my hair being this long, the others seem amused by it as well." He sighed. "I'm not leaving tomorrow either."<p>

Well, if he was found out, then there was no need to pretend that he was still sleeping. "You don't have to stay here on my account, you can go be with your friends." They looked at him in disbelief. "What you did for me earlier, I appreciate it, thank you. However, you can't put your life on the line just because of me."  
>"Life is too short to place on hold," the carrot topped teen stated. "My friends would be going camping tomorrow for a week for winter vacation. Some Shinigami, and Rangiku-san will be there. Some human friends that you do and don't know are, too." He added, "I'm not going unless you are. If you stay, I stay."<br>"You're willing to sacrifice precious time with your friends?" His head shook in disappointment. "I know for a fact that you have _indeed_ become stronger, but I would have thought that you would have become at least a little bit smarter as well." After saying this, the one he was talking to, had lightly smiled at him.  
>"The way I see it, I'm willing to receive precious time with a friend that I haven't been able to spend that much time with. Is spending some time with you really that terrible?" Ichigo leaned over and patted his head once before rustling his hair. "You like watermelon, right? I'll go downstairs and grab a few slices."<p>

The captain brushed the hand away. "You're insane."  
>"No… I'm human…." With that, Ichigo left to do as said.<br>Isshin grunted. "Try to convince him. He's been stressed."

"May I ask what happened to your son after you two left?" Toushirou frowned, unhappy about how he requested to have his son convinced to leave, so he wanted to know. "He seems very… indifferent."  
>"I would tell you, but, I think it would best if you ask him that yourself. It's only fair if you get your answer from him anyway, right?" He turned to leave the room. "You both could use the outdoors, so go with him."<br>"But—" before Toushirou could make an excuse not to join the carrot top and his friends—especially with his lieutenant being there, the man of the house left the room while waving a hand. "This family…"  
>There was a knock on the door, "coming in," an orange-haired male appeared with a plate of watermelon, and set it on the desk. "I hope that's enough for you Hitsugaya-taichou." The male sat on the chair.<p>

He stared in confusion at the teenager, unsure of what was going on.

"Oh, Ichigo went to talk to your fukutaichou, he'll be right back." It was Kon, smiling brightly at him. "Thank you for coming here." The caption's head tilted, grabbing a slice. "He was smiling when he left." Despite being on the chair, he brought his legs up and crossed them before he spoke as the other ate. "Ever since he came back from rescuing Orihime, he hasn't shown any emotion—well, when he does, it's fake, and I'm worried." The window opened and Kon stood up. "Ah, welcome home—" he paused.

It was Rangiku, and she looked at her captain. "Taichou, you really had me worried!" She leaped in and hugged him, causing them both to receive red stains on their clothes from the watermelon. "I was so happy when Ichigo found you! When I heard you were here in Karakura Town, I had to check on you!"

Kon, behaving in Ichigo's human body, looked away as he mumbled. "You're here to get Ichigo mad after he asked you to stay away from here." He looked to the ground. "You're trying to get a reaction from him."  
>"N-No! I came here to see my adorable taichou!" Though, after she said this, four others huddled into the room. She then whined. "What are you doing here! Ichigo's going to be really mad that we're all in here!"<br>"Exactly, the only one who saw him after going through the Senkai Gate was you." The shaved headed male stated. "You only told us that Ichigo threw Aizen across town. We want him to tell us during camp—"

"I'm not going." Ichigo stated behind the large group in his room. "Why is everyone in here?"

"I have nothing to do with this!" Rangiku defended herself while everyone jumped from their skin—and that included her as well. "I only came here to check on taichou because I was so worried about him!"  
>"Even though I asked you to give him space?" He looked her up and down, gazing at the others as well before looking at her. "You know that we prefer that you don't mention that time where you cried…"<br>Her head softly dipped towards him. "Yes, I know…" She released her captain to embrace the teenager with care. "That's the only thing that I won't be sharing with anyone but you Ichigo, thank you so much."  
>Ichigo embraced her with one arm in return until Toushirou cleared his throat. "Actually," the little captain spoke, going along with the plans. "I would like to attend this camping trip, since you have invited me."<p>

The group turned to him, too stunned to react to this.

"Are you sure?" Ichigo watched him nod, so he tried to play the scene in his head of helping with the tents and attempting to help with some basic chores. "Alright." he chuckled helplessly at the plague in his mind.  
>"Ichigo hasn't laughed in months!" Renji pointed accusingly at the male carrot top, frightened by the few chuckles. "What's so funny—why are you laughing! Is it about Hitsugaya-taichou joining the camping—"<br>"Rangiku-san, Rukia, a Hollow is coming, can you take care of it please?" After he said this, their phones began to beep. The two females left the room, so he came in and entered his human body while he could.  
>"What's this about Ichigo?" Ikkaku questioned curiously, wondering why it was all males in the room now. "Oh, I know, this is about that battle strategy that Yumichika and I thought about against those spoiled—"<p>

"I won't restrain myself if you attempt to fulfill your _battle_ against them unless they strike first. In fact, to keep you under control, I'll have Keigo invite his sister." Ichigo watched the shaved-headed male fall, begging him to reconsider. "Now that I think about it, I can let you share a tent with her and let Renji sleep with Yumichika if you plan to be disruptive." Ikkaku hit his head on the ground, groveling to him.

"I-I-I'm terribly sorry, I won't do anything unless provoked, I'm sorry." The shiny headed male apologized, causing the other two to snicker at his fear—Renji and Yumichika squeaked when Ichigo looked at them.  
>"I don't need to put leverage over your head," the carrot top stated. "Renji, you'll room with Toushirou so that the count stays even." He placed Kon in the stuffed animal. "I might sleep in a tree or something..."<br>"Hey, that ain't necessary." The redhead frowned at him unhappily. "We won't take up that much room, you can share a tent with us." Toushirou was small enough, but he did not know the tent roomed twelve.

"We'll see how it goes." Ichigo stretched tiredly. "Everyone needs to get packed up and ready." The three nodded before beginning to leave. "Renji," he called shortly as the Eleventh Squad officers left. "Behave."  
>"Isn't that why I was supposed to be your tent partner?" The redhead smirked before turning to leave, but stopped, and at on the windowsill. "You'll never tell us about that secretive training you did, will you?"<br>His head shook softly at the question. "You know that my training is crazy and far too difficult for a regular Shinigami." He went over to open his closet and grabbed a bag. "Besides… it's impossible for you now."  
>"I'm willing to call you Ichigo-sensei for a while." He mused with hopes of getting on his good side to help him ease up some. "Come on Ichigo… you won't tell us what happened to ya, or between you and Aizen."<p>

"What happened was that I trained to a new level, far beyond what a Shinigami could do because of the Hollow side within me." The carrot top placed some clothes in the bag before grabbing some male essentials for the trip. "My training placed me on the right track, but don't act like you're not scared of me." He set the bag down to prepare another. "I can literally smell the fear coming from you all, but the only one who isn't scared of me is Toushirou. I'm sorry I don't have a reiatsu flow, I have a better control now."

"I'm not afraid of you!" Jumping from the windowsill, Renji grabbed him and rammed him into the closet with hands on his shirt collar. "I'm afraid _for_ you! Do you know how many people are worried about you!"  
>"But I'm fine." He smiled softly. "Is it really that bad that I've been enlightened since the 'war?' You wouldn't understand." Ichigo patted his shoulder. "I know that you have my back, that's all that matters."<br>His fists tightened, though gave up and leaned his head against the teenager's chest since Ichigo was a bit taller. "Not just me, but others too, we have your back no matter whatever the problem is, I promise."

"I'll hold you to your promise. Now get out of here, you need to get ready for tomorrow."

Renji left without complaint, and Ichigo began dragging out a few bags to put clothes and stuff inside for the camping trip. He thought about it, debated on it a little, and determined that Toushirou was going to be in need of a few pairs of clothing for this trip, and a few pairs of shoes, too. Brown hues looked at the little captain with thoughts, and he decided that they should go get him some clothes while they can. It was probably for the best, so he packed up his clothes first before turning to his houseguest with a smile.

"Come on, we're going to go shop clothes for you." He watched Toushirou bristle slightly. "You wanted to go camping, so you need some clothes to take with you." There was still no sign that he would go with him. "Unless… you want to borrow Karin's clothes? She has a boyish style, you can—" the captain was up and storming out of the room, tripping on his way out, but Ichigo caught him. "Easy there Toushirou."

The captain shrugged away from him. "I'm fine Kurosaki!"

"Knock it off," he demanded calmly, helping him to his feet. "I did nothing to be attacked. I was helping you because I wanted to." Toushirou did not look too pleased—be it at himself or at him. "Am I hurting you?" The captain shook his head slowly. "Then that's all that matters to me. Now, can we go?"

* * *

><p>"Yeah, yeah, I said I was going, didn't I? I'm bringing another friend, and you're bringing your sister, okay?" Keigo asked why he had to bring his sister on the phone, but Ichigo snorted. "Because I don't want to be a bastard. Ikkaku's coming, so she'll be occupied with his appearance." His brown hues skimmed through the clothes, seeing if there were any clothes that he or Toushirou would like. "What, you want me to have Rangiku-san sleep with you?" He snorted once more. "You're in no position to bargain with me. I mean, yeah, sure… I can convince her to do it. But she loves teasing virgins, and I know you haven't got laid yet." His friend attempted to defend himself, and Ichigo interrupts with a comment at this. "Humping your pillow doesn't count. Unless you got yourself some ass in your face, you're a virgin." He brought out a shirt to look at. "Hey, hey, I wasn't implying that you're homosexual. Trust me, I've had my share of both genders, and they both have their perks." Keigo yells loudly on the cell phone, calling him a pervert. Ichigo shrugged at this. "Maybe, but I bet I could get laid this week before you." Ichigo chuckled.<p>

Toushirou, having been listening to majority of Ichigo's side of the conversation, was starting to get on his nerves since he was still a virgin as well. Gathering what clothes that he wanted to wear was something that he did not want to do, but it was something that needed to be done. At least he would be outside in his element without having to manipulate the season to his pleasure since it was confirmed that there would be snow where they were going. The captain stopped at everything when hearing Ichigo becoming a little frustrated while talking on the phone; beginning to listen in more intently.

"I'm not going to play a game like that. Sleeping with three girls and three guys on this trip is not something I want to do on my time away from the city. Besides, out of the guys, you, Mizuiro, and Toushirou are the only guys I haven't done—and I don't plan on sleeping with your sister, Moron." Ichigo rolled his eyes when Keigo shrieked at the limited amount of people left that Ichigo had not slept with. "No, I'm not going to sleep with Toushirou, or you for that matter." Keigo whined in curiosity. "I'm not going to have this conversation when he's a yard away from me. If I get the permission, then I'm all for it. Otherwise, I'll be glad to mind my own business." His phone beeped, and he looked at it before getting back on the phone. "Keigo, I'll let you go, Rangiku-san's on the line." He quickly changed the call.

Toushirou's eyes rolled as he tried not to vomit.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. Toushirou's with me—we're getting him ready for the trip." The woman sighed in relief on the other side of the line. Ichigo huffed tiredly. "Do me a favor, will you?" He felt the captain looking at him in horror; thinking he would ask her to sleep with Keigo. "Can you go to the office and do the rest of the work that isn't completed?" She agreed, easily. "Thanks, I appreciate it." Hearing his tone, she asks what is wrong with him, and he shrugs again without realizing it. "Keigo wants to dare me on who can sleep with six people we haven't slept with before. Which isn't so simple because I haven't slept with like… five people that are going on this trip? And I'm not going to do myself, thank you." She giggled because she was about to suggest it. Instead, she suggests bringing someone one, and he became serious. "I'm not going to invite her on this trip just to be used, and Toushirou needs a break from her at the moment. The answer is 'no,' okay?" He caught sight of Toushirou freezing as he reached for a shirt.

The captain can hear her yelling, 'you just want Hitsugaya-Taichou to yourself.'

Ichigo was getting angry and looked to the captain. "I'll be right back, I'm going to stand over there and talk sense to this woman, okay?" After he received a nod, the Strawberry left to talk, but did not realize that he was still in hearing range as he continued his conversation with Rangiku. "Listen here, I'm not after Toushirou, do you hear me? He's gone through a lot of crap like you, and I'm not going to just stand around and let you insult both him, and myself. If I say I will not invite the girl, then there is a reason for it. I will not make matters worse, I may have taken her memory away of that incident, but she slowly has to process the memories in a less blowing manner." Rangiku apologized for being playful, but asks why he did not do the same thing for Toushirou. "Toushirou is strong, he can handle it. He just needs support."

Toushirou looked at him from the distance as Ichigo was finishing the call, reminding her to do all of the paperwork at the office. When the Strawberry came back and began looking at the clothing again, but the captain was not going to let him get away with that. He came over and was about to grab his arm to yell at his face… until the hurt expression on his face; was he upset? The anger flushed out of his system, and ended up tugging on his sleeve quietly, earning that slight pained gaze from him. All the courage he had to yell at him was gone, so now what was he supposed to say to him as he removed his hand quietly.

"Is something wrong, Toushirou?" Ichigo asked softly.  
>"…Hinamori's memories?" He barely whispered.<br>"My powers are not understood. But yes, their hidden."  
>"About the time I nearly killed her… again?" His eyes shut.<p>

The Strawberry placed the shirt on the rack. "If you pick out the things you need to take on the trip, I will tell you about my abilities, and how I managed to toggle with her memory." He knew the captain would not like this, but this was how it had to be. "I'm going to trust you with something that no one else knows about me, not even Jii-san. So forgive me for being reserved right now." Toushirou nodded slowly, and their shopping went even faster now that there was a reason for him to hurry up and take things seriously.

* * *

><p>"You managed to get a lot of stuff Toushirou, I almost went broke for a moment there." Ichigo stared at his wallet before having to fill it up again with some cash. <em>'Good thing Jii-san and Urahara-san pay me.'<em>

"Now tell me about Hinamori."

The Strawberry looked at him with a sad gaze as he began pulling off his jacket. "I have the ability to manipulate other's abilities due to my fullbring. I've mastered quite a few Zanpakutou this way, and other fullbrings that are vital to others. Anyone that I have encountered, I have the ability to take what techniques they had and use it to my own leisure." He sat on his chair whereas Toushirou occupied his bed once more. "One of my unique abilities now, is toggling with memories. Right now, Aizen doesn't exist, and you never hurt her. This is all replaced with her thinking that I have been around to be her idol."

"You bastard." Toushirou started to stand. "You just want to be—"

"I don't know the girl, I don't particular care for her either." The man interrupted the angry captain.  
>"Then why did you do it if she means nothing to you! Are you trying to use her to get to me Kurosaki!"<br>Ichigo gave in and yelled back at him. "I'm helping her because she means the world to you!"  
>Turquoise hues widened in confusion, fear, and horror. "…why?" He swallowed. "Why for… for me?"<br>"Isn't it obvious by now?" The carrot top smiled weakly. "Because like others, you mean the world to me."

Toushirou was at a loss…

Not knowing what to do.


End file.
